Home: by Jacolby

People have often accused me of hating my hometown of Lacey Township, New Jersey because I went to school at Clemson, which is over 700 miles away, and also because I am planning to move to Seattle, which is about 3,000 miles from home. To them I say, absolute poppycock! I love where I am from, I am just not the type to stay in one place my entire life. I need to try news places, things, ways to do things, etc. I will try just about anything for a little while. Even once I move out there, I will still be traveling and looking for potential locations for myself to move that I might like better. I am unfettered right now, so I plan to keep searching the globe to see what it has to offer. I love the Pacific Northwest, and the Emerald City for many reasons, but the point of this article is my hometown. So, I will tell y’all a few of the best things about about Lacey Township.

First and foremost, the only people who ever know what I mean when I see the word deest are people who went to LTHS or knew people who went to LTHS. What does deest mean, for the uncultured swine that don’t already know? It is just a word that can be used in any situation when you are expressing negative feelings. Like, for example, if you were to see that your girlfriend had been texting Jacolby, you might say “Deest, there’s no way I can compete with that.” Or maybe you go to listen to a new episode of A Scary Place To Be right when it drops, only to find out that Jamike is doing the intro and outro for that particular installment, you might exclaim, “Deest! Jacolby’s intros are so much more enjoyable.” Anyways, I’m wondering if kids still say it now at LTHS, maybe they learned it from the younger “accidental” brothers and sisters of people my age or something like that. People used to wear shirts that they sold in the school store that had the word deest prominently displayed on the chest. But then the principal at the time decided that deest was on the banned word list. What a time that was. Someone inevitably added the word in question to noted official home of slang Urbandictionary.com, only instead of it’s true meaning, which is no real meaning other than negative feelings, they defined it as “The act of gathering in a public restroom for a synchronized act of mutual masturbation. Usually done in the formation of a circle, this term was popularized by students of Lacey High School in Lacey, New Jersey.” This was enough to get the word banned by the LTHS administration after selling shirts with the word on the front, and there are many conspiracy theories about who the hell would do such a thing. Another layer to the mystery of deest is that according to Urbandictionary, the other people who use the word say it to mean anything positive, so pretty much the exact opposite of how most of the people I know use the word. How confusing? Y’all clearly don’t know what you are talking about with that. Either way, all that was just in case I ever say deest on the podcast, I don’t want anyone to be confused. Also, shoutout my fellow Lacey Lions for being the only people who would understand that off rip.

Another thing to celebrate about Lacey Township is the staggering amount of good pizza places. Mario’s, Schiano’s, Anthony’s, Joey Tomato’s, etc. There are at least like fifteen good ones in this small town of 25,346 people (according to Wikipedia) and whichever one offers me the most money can definitely get a blog or two about their dominance of the dough, cheese, and sauce games simultaneously, maybe an optional topping section, but that costs extra (see what I did there). There really is not much else in the way of great stuff besides that. One day, when I hit the lotto, I am gonna build a Bojangles franchise in my hometown as a thanks for everything the people of the town have done for me. That will take over the food game up there, people would be driving from North Jersey to get some, maybe Pennsylvania too.

Something else my town is known for: Prom Mom. I don’t even want to talk about this, I will just link you to the Wikipedia page and call it day on that topic: Melissa Drexler.

If you don’t have debilitating emotional scars on your conscience and maybe your eyes just from reading that, I will continue on for your reading pleasure by saying that another cool person from my town is Rhett Titus, the Ring of Honor pro wrestler. He is apparently from the same town as me, although I did not know that until as I am typing this sentence. Here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhett_Titus …… Now you know as much about the Forked River legend Rhett Titus as I do. Another cool person from around here is Tom DeBlass. I trained at his Ocean County Brazilian Jiu Jitsu school for a few years, and it was an incredible experience. Here is his wikipedia page: Tom DeBlass.

You know who is NOT from Lacey Township? Or anywhere near here? The cast of the Jersey Shore. They are all New Yorkers and North Jerseyans, which are basically New Yorkers. Just so y’all know. Anyways, that is enough about my hometown. It’s fine, I just can’t live my whole life here. Just because I want to be 3,000 miles away from something doesn’t mean I don’t like it, but maybe that’s just me. “The good is the enemy of the best,” a wise man once said, but I am not gonna give him credit by name.

Anyways, the Jersey Shore is dope, but leave a comment telling me dope facts about your hometown and why it blows my shitty little town on the Jersey Shore out of the water. It’s a fucking contest, you better not let your town lose, bros/sisses. I am challenging you personally.

That’s All Y’all Are Getting From Me Tonight,
Jacolby

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