My Top 5 Game Shows: by Jacolby
Is there anyone out there who is a big enough liar to try saying that they never faked sick to stay home from school only to find themselves watching The Price Is Right or something like that (which was probably scheduled for old retired people who are sitting home in the middle of the day and would love to have another time to complain about how expensive things have gotten nowadays). That parenthetical aside was not meant to disparage The Price Is Right, as it may or may not make my Top 5 list of Game Shows. A game show needs to have a few things in order to be considered good for me. It needs to have contestants making snap decisions in timed situations, some contestants have to be embarrassingly bad or just weird, and it needs to have some high stakes. Here’s my list:
5. Who Wants To Be a Millionaire – The pressure was so high because the prize was so big if you could win. The lifelines always came into play big if people went far. And I love that you had to decide whether or not to just walk away at certain points. Also, there was nothing better than someone calling their relative or friend who is supposedly an expert, and that person blatantly getting it wrong for them. I watched this all the time with my grandma when I was a kid, classic old people show.
4. Dog Eat Dog – This show used to have some cool physical challenges. I mostly loved how much trash was always talked between the contestants and how they always got to screw each other over at different points by picking people to do challenges, but they had to politic with some people in case shit ever came down to votes. And I don’t even remember what they were competing for but they were climbing up on some pretty high stuff and falling into a pool, so the money must have been pretty good. They would always have some behind-the-scenes video from the training beforehand or whatever and would make you hate or feel bad for people.
3. GUTS! – I cannot tell you how many times I wished I was in the Extreme Arena when I was a kid. I wanted to play the basketball games with the harnesses, the archery game, the tennis one, the soccer one; honestly they had all games that I wanted to play. And don’t even get me started on the Aggro Crag, I would had all those thangs pressed and I would have broken records. I was climbing buildings in town preparing for it like it didn’t go off the air before I ever even started watching. I need to be the next Mike O’Malley and bring it back.
2. Jeopardy! – “Losers, you mean?” – Alex Trebek, on nerdcore rappers, when a girl told him she liked nerdcore hip-hop. Alex is the main reason I like this show, I think he has the perfect demeanor for a game show host. He is also jacked as hell I have heard from several people and so I am waiting for the day he puts somebody’s life in Jeopardy! When they talk bad about Canada or something like that and he puts them in the sharpshooter like a real Canadian hero Owen Hart (RIP) until they cry uncle.
1. Baggage – The GOAT Game Show by far for me. It is hosted by Jerry Springer, first of all. The people competing for a date always have some dumb or ridiculous secrets, such as “I fake orgasms” – from a man, “I am $200,000 in debt to the IRS.” “I have 2 sugar mamas that pay for my car and apartment.” Or the classic, “I have a small penis.” It really makes you feel better about yourself and who you are dating. Also, great times to be had when one person drops an absolute bomb like the small wang thing, and you count that person as dead in the water and then someone else has something also horrible like “I cheat in every relationship” and they have a fighting chance again. Cannot express the immense amount of pleasure I get from this show. And at the end when the tables are turned and the person gets to accept or reject the dater’s baggage, it always feels worth it, even when (maybe especially when) the dater gets rejected by whatever (probably shown to be a fuckin creep by now) contestant they picked from the three.
Honorable mentions: Price Is Right cause I can’t look at Bob Barker without laughing about how badly he beat Happy Gilmore’s ass or when he was talking shit with Chris Jericho on Monday Night Raw…. The Weakest Link only because of “You are The Weakest Link. Goodbye.”….Family Feud because the contestants give such funny answers and I love when Steve Harvey tries to dance around or ignore some highly inappropriate shit the people say as if he didn’t set them up for it….The Joker’s Wild with Snoop cause that will probably be legendary when it comes out.