One Before I Die: by Jacolby

I wrote a blog an hour or two before the Super Bowl about how the Eagles were going to destroy the Patriots, but I deleted the whole thing and I am just going to write about how I feel now that the Eagles have won. I was so confident in the lead-up to the game, but I was beyond nervous once I got a sense of how easily both teams were going to be able to score, because it felt like at any moment the Eagles might screw up and get a holding call or turnover or something like that and Tom Brady would pass them and not look back.

I was sweating bullets, talking to myself, clapping and yelling at the TV after every big play, you know, the whole nine yards. Tom Brady was giving me the heebie jeebies the way he was shredding the Eagles defense. It was the first time he actually scored a point in the 1st quarter in a Super Bowl, so I thought my squad might have been fucked since they didn’t get the typical slow start. They essentially were fucked, at least the defense was, since Tom Brady had his way with them for the entirety of the game up until the point where the defensive line finally broke through and got that strip sack by Brandon Graham.

Despite the Patriots not punting once and Brady throwing for over 500 yards, the Eagles kept up and in fact had the lead most of the game. How did that happen? Nicholas Foles, now officially the best playoff quarterback in the history of football, and his Eagles offense could not be stopped. Foles Da Gawd threw for almost 400 yards and the Eagles had two running backs who each almost reached 100 yards rushing. There was no shortage of clutch gene between Foles, Ertz, Agholor, and the entire rest of the offense. A big portion of the credit should go to the offensive line, since the running backs Blount and Ajayi both were steady churning out yards, and the big fellas were winning their individual battles to make that possible.

But enough about the game itself, which was incredible and had more swings than a playground (which Tom Brady should be banned from after seeing how he kisses his own kids). I want to talk about my own emotions right now after my favorite sports team/franchise in the world just won the biggest sporting event on earth. It’s one of the few things in my life that actually feels as good as I expected. I am on Cloud 9, and as if I needed to be any more attractive, I have had my trademark beautiful smile plastered on since the clock hit 0:00 in the 4th quarter. I have been waiting so damn long for this and I have gone through so many good and bad times to think back on in my life as an Eagles fan. The elation of DeSean Jackson returning the punt for the win against the Giants, the heartbreak of losing to the Patriots in the Super Bowl in 2005, which finally came after three consecutive years of losing in the conference title game, the game where they lost to the fucking Tampa Bay Bucs on like a 60 yard field goal as time expired (a random game I remember being pissed about after watching), running the table at the end of the season with Jeff Garcia to get in the playoffs only to lose early, all the random times they have beaten the Giants recently, trading Donovan McNabb away, the 44-6 game where they wrecked the Cowboys in Week 17 to get into the playoffs, the Chip Kelly era where we all got excited to have him until he started trading away or cutting all our best players, the 4-12 year where it felt like everyone was injured and then they let go of Andy Reid (which emotionally hurt me worse than it should have), wishing Marcus Smith was better after he was a wasted first round pick, not wanting the team to trade up for Marcus Mariota with Chip Kelly in charge, TO doing pushups in his driveway and getting himself cut from the team, and many other moments (Editor’s Note: Wow, The Eagles really do suck).

There are so many things that have happened in the 15 years of Eagles football I have watched, and they all have at least one thing in common: I freaked the fuck out over them. I have been so invested for so long in the team and actually getting the payoff of them winning a Super Bowl and getting to talk all the shit that comes along with that feels better than any sex I have ever had. I can’t even imagine what it feels like for the 40+ year old Eagles fans who have been waiting even longer than I have. Finally, no more “no rings” comments or any of that, and I honestly only have one thing to say to anyone who has ever said anything like that to me or anyone who wants to brag about their team’s past rings: Football before Super Bowl 52 doesn’t fucking count and ain’t nobody give a damn about it if your team has 4, 5, or 6 rings, if it wasn’t won within the calendar year 2018, it does NOT matter, so stfu trying to give me ancient history lessons about the Mesozoic Era or back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and the Cowboys or Giants actually made the playoffs.

Also, Nick Foles has dominated Tom Brady in his career, and Doug Pederson put defensive mastermind Bill Belichick’s brain in a blender, so take that for what it’s worth; somebody needs to pay those men what they deserve, one trip to Disney Land is not nearly enough to reward Nick Foles for what he has done, we Eagles fans need to start offering up our women like he is the Based God or something. Anyways, I gotta get back to yelling and screaming and jumping up and down in my house alone, but before I go, I gotta get this off my chest: I was so mad when the Eagles traded all that stuff for Carson Wentz and got rid of Sam Bradford, in case anybody needs evidence that I should have an NFL General Manager job. Enough about me though.

To end, I want to say congratulations to all my fellow Eagles fans. Fuck the Giants and the Cowboys. We have all been waiting our entire football fan lives, some longer than others (shout out to my mom who has been waiting years and years for this) and we finally got to experience the thrill of our team winning the big game and having all the shit talking rights. Let’s all be as unbearable as possible this year, as you never know when another Super Bowl will come back to Philly. Talk your shit because it could be another 57 years before we get a chance. Anyone who knows me knows that if you ask me about the Eagles winning the Super Bowl, I have always said, just one before I die please. Well, Nick Foles and Doug Pederson just delivered me that one, and now all my goals in life have been accomplished. I finally got my “one before I die”, and with at least a few weeks to spare. I will hold on to the memory of the joy I feel right now as tightly as I can, and hope for as much future Eagle success as I can get because there are few things in life that give me as much joy as watching my Philadelphia Eagles. Actually, my bad, my 2018 World Champion Philadelphia Eagles. Anyways, Bird Gang for life. E-A-G-L-E-S, EAGLES!

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